I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
