So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
