if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
