maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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