I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
