Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
