She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
