I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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