what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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