what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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