I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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