Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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