he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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