Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
