I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I can tuck mytits in my pants
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
