she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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