I heard we made out
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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