Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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