You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
