I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
