I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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