I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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