the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
