it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
No more Irish car bombs ever.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
