PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
