And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
