My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
