OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I bet he comes in French.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
