What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So much Jack, so little girl.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
