she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
