I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
