if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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