They should really pass out barf bags in church
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
