I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
