i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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