Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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