I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
