Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
