So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
