my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
