alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
