...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
