Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
