I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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