i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
