Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
