Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Less talking, more tequila
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
