Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
