just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
This toilet bowl is my home.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
