this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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