I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
