Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Less talking, more tequila
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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