i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
