actually, I'm a sock model
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
