i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
