Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
