so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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